Thoughts

I had so many ideas for my blog and my brand “Real life makes you an advocate” but the truth is that REAL LIFE IS HARD when you are the single mother to two beautiful daughters who have their own issues on top of dealing with having a brain tumor that is constantly attacking your body. I have so many ideas that I want to do. Honestly, I don’t have the energy, time, or mostly the FUNDS to follow through. Yes, I’m aware, I could do a kickstarter campaign or things like that. After 19 brain surgeries I am not very tech savvy and I’m low on patience. Time is something I have very little of and I don’t have time to figure out the ins and outs of something and how to make it work when I have short term memory issues and when I’m supposed to be healing and taking things easy following my latest health issues. It’s always something. 🤷🏽‍♀️I take two step forward and one back. I’m tired. I’ve been sick and fighting for over ten years and did it as a single parent with the help of my wonderful village but I need to take a step back from my brand and activist work so I can figure out with the new year approaching on how I can do this better and reach my goals especially since i need funds or investors to make this work. A wing and a prayer maybe? Who knows? Cuz I don’t! Talk to y’all soon! 💋

My Condition

First Thank you to everyone that left a sweet comment or note, said a prayer, or thought about me. I truly appreciate it more than I can express. Being transparent and sharing what I’m going through on this journey helps me deal with the depression and I’m glad to know that it helps other people. I firmly believe I’ve made it through 19 brain surgeries to tell my story and do exactly what I am doing. I honestly just struggle with the fact that THIS IS A LOT.

At times I feel like why wasn’t I the girl who had a tumor with zero complications and went back to her life two months later? Why did MY husband leave? I could go down the “why” rabbit hole forever.🤷🏽‍♀️ This is MY life. Yes, it’s hard AF but my Lord seems to think I can handle it cuz he keeps me BUSY! Part of my depression is having this illness that attacks your body all the time and I get no breaks. It feels like I am always at the doctors for some sort of complication. I have lost basically everything in the last ten years. Those who I consider friends are my family bc they have been there during the bad times when others have walked away. They are my village and they know who they are! The girls and I would be lost without our village.

I’m still sore from my procedure a few days ago. The doctors removed a large mass from my colon. I know now that it’s common for your body to produce masses in other areas of the body once you have a tumor. It’s pretty crazy because Jordan was born in 2001 and right after she was born I had a large ovarian cyst removed. I wasn’t sure if I was able to have more kids.which at the time I was ok with until I got married in 2007 and Jordan asked for a baby sister. Being in love and not wanting Jordan to be an only child, I went thru fertility procedure to get my miracle baby Aaliyah. 3 weeks after her delivery we find the large tumor, now ten years later I have a large mass removed 🤔🤔

Depression is real

BEING FULLY TRANSPARENT: I am tired. I am past tired. I was tired years ago. For TEN YEARS I’ve been fighting this tumor and the complications, battling the depression that comes with having your life turned upside down by an illness, having your husband walk out and leave you with a toddler while you are going through radiation, a divorce, and STILL manage to attempt to parent two future Queens. Right now I am on a liquid diet and NPO after midnight in prep for my hospital procedure tomorrow. I’m struggling honestly😩 I feel like I need a win. I’m tired of always being dizzy, off balance, or sick from complications. It sucks. BAD. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Also pray for peace and strength for my mother Renee Petties Jones. She is my rock as my caregiver, which is NOT an easy job to someone who has a rare condition like mine. Plus she is a HUGE part in raising my Queens. Grandma Priscilla would be so proud😇. 

Also, Thank you to everyone in my village. Signing off for awhile to get my mind right but I will keep everyone posted. #mytruth #mytestimony #prayers 😘❤️🙏🏽